Le Miserable
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: AU. Post-Voldemort. The Wizarding World doesnt accept Harry for his losing to Voldemort and he is forced into seclusion. Scarred mentallyphysically, can he be brought from his shell? SSHp, RLSb, HGRw
1. For one human being to love another

summary: AU. Post-Voldemort. The Wizarding World doesnt accept Harry for his losing to Voldemort and he is forced into seclusion. Scarred mentally/physically, can he be brought from his shell? SS/Hp  
  
disclaimers: not mine. Since the tree talk was an idea from LOTR, I dont own it either  
  
warnings: male x male, oocness, alternate timeline, sex later on, wanking in the next chapter....O. The R/NC 17 version can be found on adultfanfiction.net as well as my website  
  
notes: = tree talk  
  
Title: Mizerable  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Wind blew through the trees on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, the trilling breezes wafting lethargically. People in the wizarding town busied themselves with daily tasks, students flocked to and fro for Hogsmeade weekends, a few aurors patrolled the borders. Faded emerald jems that had lost their luster stared at the proceedings with detached curiousity and wanton longing. The vivid jade orbs that used to sparkle with life and innocence had wasted into a veiled concoction of peridot and obsidian. Those eyes rarely were filled with anything akin to amusement or happiness.  
  
A pale, ghostly hand lifted to touch the criss-crossed scar on a pallid cheek; the ancient wound a gruesome and jagged burgundy. The slender digits rose to caress the lightning bolt scar on the smoothe forehead. Those marks; they told everyone he came in contact with that he was the infamous Harry Potter. The twenty two year old sighed, holding his chin in his palms, the dull yet luxuriant locks of raven black obscured his delicate face from view.  
  
It used to make Harry furious that the people would so hastily discard him aside like a worn and decaying material object. Three years had caused the lively sparks of rage to simmer to a smoldering ash with no hopes of being rekindled. Voldemort-Harry's fist clenched-had kidnapped Harry during seventh year by way of his spy; Ginny Weasley. For five months Harry laid magically drained and physically exhausted in the dungeons of Riddle Manor. No one had come for him even after the war had been ended for three months. Finally, several aurors had gone to Riddle Manor to investigate and found Harry stripped of his clothes and pride, huddled in a shadowed corner with barely enough nourishment to live.  
  
Two months were spent recuperating in St.Mungo's along with the rest of the injured. Hermione was the only one who had not turned on him so she had retold of the events that led to Voldemort's defeat. Draco Malfoy had became a Spy for the Light. Going against his father and all that he had been taught to believe in, Draco strengthened his magical talents. When the final wave of attacks came and the Light thought they were going to lose, Draco appeared and started throwing powerful hexes at Voldemort. The tide shifted. The Darkness was obliterated. Draco Malfoy was named Hero of the Wizarding World and Harry Potter was a forgotten page in history.  
  
When Harry was finally able to walk and see the damages inflicted by the battle, the people glared at him. Hermione had told him that they blamed him. Harry was the boy that they had trusted in to save them from Voldemort. Harry wasn't stupid. He knew the real reason for the hostility. The ignorant people needed a scapegoat and Harry was the perfect target. He was blamed for every death, for every lost home. For the entire war, even.  
  
Harry was forced into self-exile. The taunts, jibes, sneers, insults, and glares were too much for him. He had regained all of his strength from before Voldemort had taken it and it seemed he'd gained even more than originally. He knew he couldn't hold himself back from completely destroying those who openly loathed him.  
  
He made his home in the Shrieking Shack. Not a soul dared to venture near the place from the rumours that it was haunted. It was now but by a solid matter that only wanted some peace in his life. Hermione's visits had stopped a couple years before and Harry figured Ron had told her not to. Harry hated himself a little more each day. Sometimes, he thought about suicide but then he'd start to think about the people he cared about. Even if he couldn't get close to them he could still watch from afar.  
  
Harry huddled further into his cloak, pulling the hood over his head to keep the chilling wind from nipping at his ears. Most of his time was spent just watching his surroundings. Hermione and Ron were married with two children. Harry hadn't been able to see them up close but from his distance he knew that they took after the Weasley's dominant gene. Percy and Oliver were sharing a flat in muggle Ireland, both having had enough of the wizardring world and wanted to live normal lives away from it all. Fred and George were the most notorious businessmen and had even landed a deal with some muggle corporations to sell their inventions. Seamus and Justin were the first gay couple to come out of the closet and had caused a domino effect at the school. Dean and Lavendar were engaged and it appeared that Lavendar was expecting. Neville was the professor of Herbology and along with Luna, were the comic relief that was sorely needed, even now. Draco was the Headmaster of Hogwart's. He had been appointed because of his heroic actions. Harry's grip on the grass beside him became deadly. For all Harry knew, Draco had cast Imperious on Ginny just to give himself the one up on Harry. There was only one thought that could make Harry's lips twitch into a tiny half-smile. Albus had said he was retiring and along with Minerva and Sibyll, they were going to spend the rest of their lives in the Caribbean. Just the image of the old man with long beard in bermuda shorts could liven Harry's heart. The accusations against Harry had happened the second Albus had departed.  
  
The dead far out numbered the living. Bill and Charlie had both been captured and tortured, along with Fleur. Most of the Hogwart's professors were dead. Nearly half the students were as well. Of course, Ginny had been slaughtered for her treason by her own brothers. No one knew where Remus was and he might as well have been dead to Harry. Sirius was laying in a coma at St.Mungo's and would probably never wake, his entire future that should have been spent getting old with Remus was gone. Lucius's body had been found a couple months after the final battle. Tonks sacrificed herself to save Sirius from the blast that would have finished him off. Blaise, who's love for Draco had been known to everyone, had gotten himself killed by Voldemort personally. The list just kept going...  
  
The sun was beginning to shrink below the horizon. The full moon was peeking from the mountain range, meeting its lover before it would once again be parted until dawn. Harry sometimes heard a wolf howling. The noise was dripping with sorrow and pain. Harry used to fancy it was Remus screaming his frustrations and anger but now, it was idle curiousity that made Harry search for the lone wolf. He hadn't found the wolf yet and Harry was beginning to think it was a phantasm. It was like that. The dead were more company to him than the living.  
  
He rose to his feet, feeling older than his twenty-two years. The shadows of the trees provided him with enough ample coverage from being spotted by the children returning to Hogwart's. He gaze lingered on a couple he recognized. Would he ever have someone to be the father of his children? Would anyone just look past years of misunderstanding to love him?  
  
Harry slipped into the forest, feeling more at home there than he did any place else. At least the trees still whispered to him in their reedy voices and the animals still offered their companionship. Harry's inhuman senses alerted him that he wasn't alone. He narrowed his eyes, seeing perfectly clear as if the sun had never set. His fingers spread and palm was burning with the magic flowing through his viens as a curse was already forming on the tip of his tongue. Wand magic was thrown to the wayside after the war and Harry's full powers were made known to him. If only he hadn't been suppressing them before.  
  
The amusement in the pine's tone was evident but Harry couldn't shake the feelings of wanting to attack. The ancient pine lowered one of its' branches to lightly tap Harry on his shoulder.  
  
The figure was grumbling to itself as he avoided several faery rings. Should he have fallen into the ring, there was little hope that he would ever been seen again and forever locked in the faery realm. Harry tensed when the person rose and looked directly at him, the only reason for his now shouting his curse was Kogane's limb resting delicately on his shoulder. However, the curse faded when he realised who he was staring at. Tall, lithe, and slender frame completely clothed in black from head to toe, Grecian nose, deep almost bottomless onyx oculates that never showed any emotion but anger, milken flesh that seemed to be sculpted from an artists's constant slaving for perfection.  
  
Severus Snape had been looking for ingredients for a potion he was working on when he'd heard barely distinguishable breathing followed by the sounds of the great pine tree rustling. He couldn't really tell himself that he hadn't been expecting to see Harry Potter. He knew that Harry had taken refuge in the Shrieking Shack and this was the most direct route to it but he hadn't expected on being this shocked. It had been five years since he'd last seen the boy-no, man, he corrected-and it was obvious the years hadn't been kind to him. Severus had been one of the few who didn't blame Harry. Severus knew what Voldemort could do to someone who was incapable of defending themselves but that pity hadn't prompted Severus to tell the gits to mind their own business. He had never really cared for Harry until after the papers printed that Harry had vanished.  
  
Harry was bombared by the memories. In vain, he kept them at bay, hoping they would never again resurface. Without a word to his former potions professor, Harry continued on his way to his home. He ignored Kogane's tutting. He couldn't deal with facing Severus. Not when, even after five years, his desires and love for the man hadn't waned but had grown tremendously. They always said that the heart grew fonder with time. Harry had just proved them right. Harry stifled the sobs the threatened to break free from years of being pent up. His loins tightened as he recalled the fantasies he used to play in his mind when he was still carefree and could afford to spend his nights masturbating to the erotic images. Now...Harry hadn't touched himself since he was kidnapped. He avoided it like the plague.  
  
Harry had looked terrible. Thin and pale. Two things he had never been in the years that he had been at Hogwart's. Severus kept the voices in his head locked in their cage as they told him that he could help Harry. Severus cursed fluently to himself. He didn't need this burden. He didn't need Harry Potter to come back into his life and make a royal mess.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
::shoots herself:: I'm so stupid. Another story. -.- oh well. Review! ^^ 


	2. that is perhaps the most difficult of al...

Title: Miserable  
  
warnings: male x male  
  
disclaimers: not mine ^^*.*^^  
  
notes: Insight of to be-couples and couples are in this chapter :)  
  
Chapter 2  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love. ~Marc Chagall  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Harry crept inside of the Shrieking Shack quietly, glancing around for any curious students that wanted to see if the ancient house was actually haunted. He'd make a tremendous ruckus and scare them off. Seeing that the coast was clear Harry lit a lamp and used a simple spell to repair the windows and frost them with a spell that would keep anyone from knowing that he was inside. He did this every night for no one in their right mind would visit the Shrieking Shack while it was dark. During the day, he spent his time wondering aimlessly in the forest or sometimes he'd try to disguise himself so he could go to the Muggle world but the scars that were emblazened on his skin never disappeared.  
  
He removed his cloak, tossing it to drape over one of the chairs. Trousers and jumper followed leaving him bare, the scars lining his torso faint white. Harry knew that the most powerful potion couldn't diminish them for they were caused by Dark Magic and a few were caused by himself in an act of self-loathing. A large scar on his left pectoral was the size of a snitch with jagged edges; Voldemort would heal him and then re-do the wound so it hurt worse every time. Another scar stretched from his right shoulder to his left hip; Voldemort had found it great fun to punish Harry by using a blade. Scars on his back were caused by a flailing whip when Voldemort was in a particularly wretched mood. Of course, those were insignificant compared to the numerous claw imprints on his inner thighs and hips. The memories of Harry's rape often assaulted him whether he was sleeping or not. So many times Voldemort would force himself into Harry until finally the boy was too numb to feel the stinging pain.  
  
He dressed in pajamas and curled into the transfigured bed. The duvet was spread around him like a cocoon. The light vanished and the moonlight streamed inside. Harry sighed, shifting positions to his side. He couldn't believe he'd seen Severus. Most people avoided the forest because it was suppose to have unfriendly ghosts inside but in reality it was the trees conversing that frightened the cowardly. Severus... Harry closed his eyes. The man hadn't changed much just more pale and slender. Same Grecian nose, same obsidian oculates, same raven hair, same dark beauty that had attracted Harry to him. Fifth year had brought Harry to a greater understanding of his secret love and made him understand that he did in fact care for Severus. It was during nights confined to his room at Privet Drive that he would develop erotic scenarios.  
  
The prominent lustful dreams featured Severus teaching him all about sex and then showing him. Harry felt himself stiffen as he recalled the exact details of his wanking fantasies. Severus bending him over his desk, Severus with those seductive lips wrapped around his penis, Severus grunting underneath him as he pounded into him furiously. Two tears escaped from their cage to streak his cheeks. He couldn't even touch himself, no matter how much he wanted to give himself release from what the encounter with Severus did to him. He would see images of Voldemort leering at him before throwing him on his stomach and using his own blood to lubricate the passage of his perversion.  
  
Harry cried himself to sleep; not for the first time and most definitely not for the last...  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Severus gulped the glass of bourbon on rocks. This was not happening to him. He was not drowning his miseries like lushes and drunks. Hell, if he was going to be honest with himself then he would have to admit that seeing Harry disturbed him. That he wanted to bring the boy-no man, he corrected himself-to where he rightfully belonged but Severus knew it was futile. There were only two people that Harry would trust and one was missing, presumed dead while the other was in a deep coma and might not wake.  
  
He slammed the glass on the table beside the couch. Harry wouldn't return so long as the two people he loved more than anything were unable to assit him recovering. Severus snorted. Why'd he even care if Harry came back or not? Perhaps it was because Severus felt he had to repent for not doing anything against the fools who blamed Harry or maybe it was because, deep down, Severus needed Harry to be there because he was the only one that could understand him.  
  
Rising to his feet, he grabbed a potion that would clear him from the effects of the alcohol. Severus rummaged through the contents of a bookshelf, not caring that he was making a mess or that he broke several artifacts from flinging the books haphazardly. It was there. It had to be. A book with the fringes fraying and some of the pages tattered from misuse before Severus stole it from it's rightful owner-Lord Voldemort to be precise.  
  
Severus was not sure what was driving him to this ferocious, all-consuming need as he flipped through the pages quickly, skimming the titles. He stopped, eyes widening. It was a difficult potion to make and the ingredients were incredibly rare to come across but Severus knew that Albus had most of them stored in his private storerooms in one of the abandoned wings of Hogwart's that no one dared to trespass upon; not even Peeves but Severus knew the password. He wouldn't have to owl the former Headmaster.  
  
Lethargus Reseco. Severus let a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding escape. A potion that would restore Sirius Black to complete health. Severus loathed Sirius and Severus knew the feelings were mutual but he was doing this for Harry, not for Sirius. He would make the potion, no matter how difficult the task became or how many nights would be spent perfecting it.Harry deserved a future and Severus was determined to provide that if for nothing more then to know that he was needed again.  
  
***  
  
Morning came with the same lack of joy that Harry had once associated with the coming of the dawn. He quickly dressed, using his magic to return the Shrieking Shack to it's normal appearance. A simple cleansing spell rid was like taking a second-long shower but Harry missed being able to stand for long minutes underneath a warm spray or to lounge in the Prefect's bathroom until his skin wrinkled from being submerged too long in the water. A wave of nostaliga whipped across him. He missed his old life. Six years. Six long, lonely years by himself and never having human contact.  
  
Harry apparated to just outside of Hogsmeade, making sure to pull the cowl of his cloak securely so his face wouldn't show. He paced wizards and witches, ignoring the curious stares he received or the invitation to speak. If they knew who he was, they would sing a different tune. He entered Hog's Head, ordering food and drink from the barman, lowering his voice so it wouldn't be distinguishable. He chose a table in the corner away from the hubbub.  
  
The grub wasn't like Molly's had been but it filled a starving stomach well. He raised his eyes to see two of his old friends bickering at each other. Seamus and Justin. Harry's heart clenched tightly in his chest. Justin seemed to have put on weight; to anyone who didn't know the secrets of male pregnancy that the wizard's had discovered it would have seemed so but Harry knew. One of the few who had ever made a research on it when he realised he was gay summer before sixth year. He scoffed the rest of his meal, wanting to leave Hog's Head as soon as possible.  
  
Harry avoided looking at the couple. It was too painful but just as he was exiting, he collided with a solid structure. Falling to the floor, he stared up at Dean Thomas. The tall, broad, chocolate-skinned man narrowed his eyes at Harry before going insanely round with recognition. Harry's cowl had fallen off. He was exposed. Gasps were heard from every direction followed by indignant outrage.  
  
"Thought you'd hide, didn't you?" the barman asked, glaring savagely at Harry. "If I ever see you in here again, I'll finish what Voldemort started."  
  
Harry's jaw clenched, hand grasping his wand and drawing it. He met the eyes of Justin, Dean and Seamus. They were filled with confusion but in Harry's imagination, he saw anger. Fleeing from the pub, Harry apparated to his beloved forest. Away from the accusing stares, the angry whispers, and the aura of death that seemed to follow him wherever he went.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Severus had no morning classes on Thursday's but he still had to be present at the staff table for breakfast. Draco was seated beside him and everyday the man's appearance became more like his father's. Albaster skin that seemed to have been chiseled to perfection from marble, completely unblemished except for the scar that ran diagonally across his nose. Stormy hued oculates were a mysterious blend of gold, lapis, and gray in a swirling abyss. Silver tendrils of flaxen hair tumbled luxiourously to his shoulders. Severus raised an amused brow at the population of admirers that Draco had accumulated and yet the man wasn't involved in a relationship.  
  
"Severus, I thought I should tell you now instead of waiting." Draco sipped at his pumpkin juice, turning those amazing eyes on Severus. Severus arched his other brow. "Professor Murphy has to leave because of a family emergency and she won't be returning either. I've taken it upon myself to appoint a replacement starting today."  
  
"And who might this person be?" Severus inquired, folding his arms in front of his chest and giving Draco his patented glare. Draco rarely consulted anyone in his decisions regarding the affairs of Hogwart's and kept most of the teachers out on the loop but he hadn't made any mistakes yet.  
  
"Zacharias Smith," the man in question said, taking the empty seat beside of Draco. Severus glowered at the perfectly prim man, getting a reminsecent of Gilderoy Lockheart. Brown hair was held fast in a ponytail, long bangs framing his elfin face. Deep, sapphire eyes were hardly as soft as Gilderoy's had been but were hardened by the trials of war. Severus begrudingly admitted that Zacharias was a handsome man; tall and lean with bronzed skin.  
  
Severus hned, finishing his biscuit. So, Zacharias was taking over Defense Against the Dark Arts for Professor Katherina Murphy? Severus glanced at the witch. She didn't seem to the in the least bit affected, happily munching on eggs and bacon. How very nice it must have been to not have any worries and would be able to be carefree. Katherina was a young witch and had just graduated from Hogwart's the year before. She hadn't participated in the final battle. She was innocent to all of the death. Severus swept his gaze at the students. Half of them were staring at Draco in lust while the rest were busy chatting amongst themselves. They didn't have to live in fear. It was a bit unfair.  
  
"Neville! Luna! You're never going to believe who we saw!" Justin called, running inside with Seamus attached to the back of his shirt, trying to slow him down to a reasonable pace. The two Herbology teachers stopped their lovey-dovey routine to stare at Justin as if he'd grown another head. Neville, who was sitting two seats down from Severus with Luna being the only brave one to fill in the place next to Severus, just blinked at the Charms professor. Seamus, the flying instructor and Quidditch referee, smacked Justin gently.  
  
"Love, you shouldn't announce it to the world. Some," Seamus meaningfully glanced a couple teachers and those students closest to the staff table, "Might not appreciate the news we have."  
  
"Just tell us," Luna frowned. Severus, Draco, and Zacharais leaned closer to hear what was being said without appearing to be too nosy.  
  
"We saw Harry at Hog's Head," Seamus whispered, recieving two gasps. "We didn't believe it either until he ran away from us."  
  
"He ran away from you?" Luna asked, pursing her lips in thought. Severus eyed Draco from the corner of his eye, not missing the troubled look that passed over his visage for a few seconds before vanishing. Severus wasn't surprised when Draco excused himself, Zacharais following him. Guilty conscience on Draco's part, perhaps? "Why would he do that?"  
  
"You know how it was for him after the War," Justin sighed, jabbing a fork into a napkin. "All those people hating him and we didn't do a damn thing to stop them either. It's no wonder he thinks we hate him. He looked like he was going to kill us before he got this scared look and just bolted. We figure he apparated because when we went to chase him down he was gone."  
  
Luna shook her head in disbelief. "I thought that Harry was gone, that he'd left this country. I didnt know he was still here. I mean, it's been six years. Does he think we'd still blame him after all this time? At first we did but not anymore."  
  
Neville slipped an arm around his wife, comforting her. "Harry's probably living in the past still. Its happened before. People having repressed memories and such. It could be he continues to see the hate."  
  
"Or maybe he's completely off his bloody rocker," Seamus muttered, earning himself a glare from Justin. "We don't know what's going on with him for the past six years," Seamus explained. "He could have driven himself insane."  
  
Severus knew that was a bunch of codswallop. Harry had been perfectly lucid the night before. He finished his breakfast and left. It was time to start on Lethargus Reseco and find all the ingredients he would need. Later, he would have to check in on Draco. Severus knew that somehow, Draco had had something to do with Harry's capture. The guilt would eat at Draco alive until he was forced to confess.  
  
@ @ @  
  
I thank all of you who reviewed from the bottom of my heart :) . Oh, shoot me XD) Goldengirl2, Immortal Memories (Right you are! The scar is like Kenshin's :P and Draco's is like Seifer's from FF8, if anyone is interested XD) Japanese Cowboy (lmao, I'm glad you like it! ^^) 


	3. Tempus fugit et nos fugimus in illus

Title: Miserable  
  
warnings: male x male  
  
disclaimers: not mine ^^*.*^^  
  
notes: no Harry this chapter  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Severus journeyed far into the bowels of Hogwart's, in the most remote region of the school. No one came here anymore. The rumours that Albus had spread about a ravenous panther-demon that Salazar Slytherin had set forth in order to protect his secret lair. It would attack anyone that dared to set foot in the premises. Of course, Severus knew it wasn't true but the illusion that Albus had created in order to deter any adventuresome student was frightening in its own right.  
  
The torches ended abruptly in front of a winding staircase wrought with ivy, cobwebs and moss. Using his wand for sufficient lighting, Severus slowly descended the spiraling steps. There were stairs that were faulty and one did not pay attention, one could easily trip on a crack or crevice and tumble all the way to the bottom; nearly fifty feet. Severus could hear the faint growls of the artifical panther-demon as he came to the end of the staircase.  
  
The creaking of doors swinging on their hinges, of wind blowing through broken windows, of dripping water from the lavatory; all of it made Severus's hair stand on end. The classroom that the items were in was like the Room of Requirement, one could only see if it the need was there. It appeared as soon as he thought of it. The interior was full of rare potions ingredients. Most had been passed through the generation of headmaster's, the rest having come from Albus's journies.  
  
Taking the Lethargus Reseco page that he'd torn from the book, he glanced at the components that were required. The vial of the glowing, azure liquid- the elixer of life: check. The Phoenix Pinion-check. Three containers of the potion, Soft, which was stronger then the Mandrake drought that would restore the user from the being petrified. A liquified broth of adder stone to assist the Elixer of Life. Four drops of Holy Water blessed by Christ to combat the effects of Dark Magic. The last ingredient wasn't in the room. It was Valerian, a plants that's healing properties were reputed to be the most powerful and only grew near Fairy Rings. That would mean venturing into the forest. Severus gently deposited the ingredients in his bag, carefully arranging them so they did not break.  
  
He could do no more until the next new moon-three days from then. Afterwards, he would have to stick to the chart devised. Day one; simmer the Elixer of Life and adder stone. Day two; add the Pinion and let them boil. Day three; slowly add the Soft to the concoction. Day four; sprinkle in the crushed Valerian. Day five; deposit the Holy Water until the smoke that rises from the blend turns golden and it would be ready to dispense to its intended user.  
  
Severus, after shrinking and hiding the bag in his bedroom, went to the Headmaster's office. "Fac et gaudem." The stone snakes, which replaced the gargoyles, slithered at him appreciatively before opening. He wasn't surprised to see that Zacharais was still present and trying, in vain, to get Draco to tell him what was wrong. Draco had become introverted after the Final Battle. Severus wondered how much of that had to do with guilt. It was futile to convict Draco when he had no evidence but for his own doubts.  
  
"Severus," Draco seemed to be relieved for company other then Zacharais. "What do I owe for this visit?" Severus wished on the fates that his surmises about Draco betraying Harry weren't true. He cared for Draco immensely but so much hate had been bred into Draco. Years upon years of his father's teachings and Voldemort's threats still lingered on Draco, even now. It was possible that Draco had been threatened into being a traitor to the Light or it could have been a son trying to appease his father.  
  
Severus folded his arms in front of his chest, eyes lingering on Draco's beautiful face, unable in that brief instance to accuse him of what he knew in his mind and heart to be true. How could such an angelic featured youth have ever done anything so callous? But this was Draco who spent years in the shadow of Harry, always being reminded that Harry was better then him. Cold envy melted into fiery rage, perhaps, aiding Draco's vengenance. "You left breakfast in such a hurry that I became concerned for your well being."  
  
"Zacharais, would you excuse us?" Draco smiled charmingly at him but Severus could see how false that smile actually was. Draco rarely showed any sort of emotion these days. Severus couldn't blame him. As the years passed, one became reminded of how truly lonely they were. Without his family, without Blaise... Severus was like that too. He couldn't relate to anyone but Draco and Draco seldomnly opened up to him. Almost as if he knew what Severus's inquisitive mind was thinking.  
  
Zacharais nodded, smiling softly at Draco and glaring at Severus. "I do believe that Smith has affections for you, Draco."  
  
Draco shrugged, taking a sip of brandy. "He knows I can't pursue a relationship with him. Drink?" Severus declined, needing to be in his best shape to teach the seventh year Newts class. "In answer to what you said earlier, my health is perfectly fine, thank you."  
  
"Physcially yes but mentally and emotionally?"  
  
Silver oculates flashed with fury before dulling. "If you're suggesting that I am uncapable of carrying on the task of Headmaster-"  
  
"No." Severus sighed, sitting in the seat in front of the desk. "You've been acting more morose then usual. I'm worried about you. This morning when those fools mentioned seeing Harry you just took off without excusing yourself or an explanation. Keep doing that and people are going to start to think that you had something to do with Harry's capture."  
  
Draco angrily rose to his feet, bracing his hands on the table top and leering at Severus. Draco was a formidable man when he needed to be. "Is that what you think? I sold Potter out? Please, tell me why you assume that." Draco's shoulders were bristling with rage, skin stretched tightly across his knuckles.  
  
"You always hated Harry but because you saved us from Voldemort, no one in their right mind would think of accusing you or investigating the truth. Ginny Weasley wouldn't have ever betrayed her family or Harry. Unless Voldemort used Imperious on her or used it on you in order to use it on her, there are no other conclusions. Unless you were fueled with so much loathing and need for power that you used Imperious on Ginny without you being under the effects. I've seen you when you get mad. Killing isn't beneath you in order to achieve what you want."  
  
Draco shook his head, backing away from Severus until he was cornered. He slumped to the floor, holding his head in his hands. Severus blinked at him, brows arching nearly to his hairline when he realised that Draco was crying. Severus knelt gingerly beside of Draco, placing a hand on the trembling shoulder. "What is it Draco?"  
  
"I did not use Imperious on Ginny and I did not betray Potter." Draco's tears ended almost as quickly as they had begun. He met Severus's gaze, flinching at the scrutiny. "I swear that I didn't. Severus, you always believed me so believe me now."  
  
Severus pursed his lips. The amount of honesty swirling in the stormy depths were tremendous but how much of that honesty was such a mask in order to hide the lies. Draco's skills of manipulation were immense. "Tell me the truth. Who did it? I know that you know something about what happened."  
  
"...Alright. It won't help now but I'll tell you." Draco took a deep breath, preparing himself for telling what actually happened all those years ago. "As you know, Blaise and I became a couple during that summer after fifth year. With Father in Azkaban, I only had him to rely on. Sixth year, when Voldemort came to Malfoy Manor, he threatened me into becoming a Death Eater. I was scared so I became a Spy for the Light. Blaise said he couldn't join but that he would bring me information. He loved me and he told me he was going to do everything he could to ensure my safety." The tears started to fall again. "Blaise used Imperious on Ginny. He made Ginny betray Potter so I could become the saviour. He wanted me to be happy and he knew how much power meant to me. Voldemort had no idea that Ginny was being controlled. He found out about Blaise's double crossing and Blaise admitted that he had been the one giving secrets to the Light in order to keep me protected. Voldemort killed him."  
  
Severus could only stare at Draco in silence, allowing the young man to bury his head against his chest so he could mourn the loss that he still suffered from. Draco had been carrying the truth around with him for five years, alone. How he managed to stay sane with that amount of pain was astonishing. Severus stroked the man's hair, soothing him. "Why didn't you come to me after it happened?"  
  
"I couldn't. I was so afraid that the Ministry would take-" Draco snapped his mouth shut.  
  
"Take what, Draco? Tell me." Severus prodded him gently.  
  
"Would take my daughter." Severus's surprise was clearly evident. "Blaise and I had experimented with male pregnancy potions." A sad smile curled Draco's lips. "It worked. That was the real reason I had disappeared for nine weeks. Not to train but to have my daughter. Blaise never saw her."  
  
"Oh Draco," Severus wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry." To know that someone actually had success in making the Ingravesco Compleo potion was amazing. Only three recorded cases in history had properly been achieved.  
  
"I would like to think that he knows in the next demension. That's a pleasant fiction though. You can meet her, if you like." Draco stood, dusting his robes free of debris. He wiped his eyes, using a spell to rid the evidence of his emotional disturbance.  
  
"She's here?" Severus glanced around as if expecting the child to appear from behind a piece of furniture.  
  
"Where else would she be?" Draco asked dryly, vanishing from the office to his chambers. Severus rarely felt excitement but he had to admit that the prospect of seeing the product of Blaise and Draco's coupling was thrilling. The second Draco emerged, Severus's eyes widened and his mouth opened but no words escaped. Attached to Draco's hand was a small girl that couldn't have been more then five years old. Flaxen ringlets tumbled to the cinched waist of her robes. Murky chocolate brown eyes-inherited from Blaise-were intermingled with the occasional silver shimmer. Her skin was bronzed, also coming from Blaise. "Aglaia, this is Severus, your godfather."  
  
Aglaia ventured forth, glancing back at Draco uncertainly only recieving an encouraging nod from him. With pink tinted cheeks she smiled bashfully. Severus knelt to the ground, doing his best to return to the smile. Severus tenderly spoke, "Hi." This was his godchild. How strange that this little girl could make him grin so easily.  
  
"Hi," Aglaia twisted the hem of her sleeve in her fingers.  
  
The door opened, Aglaia latching onto Severus and cautiously peeking from behind him. Draco's voice was harsh. "What are you doing here?" Aglaia huddled deeper into Severus's robes. He turned, eyes widening at who he saw.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Ah, cliffhangers are glorious. The Draco mpreg thing came to me while I was listening to a song plus it adds angst once you see who showed up. :D  
  
Aglaia was a Grace in greek mythology. She was beautiful and gentle. She became Hephaestus's wife after he tired of Aphrodite's infedilities  
  
This is what I picture Aglaia looking like except with blonde hair. If you put it in the search bar make sure to close the spaces. http : / / www . manganeo . com / helloworld / majo / illust / chibi-m . jpg  
  
Thanks to: Corgi (I will most certainly try to meet your expectations) Immortal Memories (yes, the use of Voldemort's name was not a mistake. With him being deceased, the fear of Voldemort was destroyed) Saavik13 (the rumours were started after Albus left) Kateri, Yxonomei, Sirius's Secret Lover Marie, shadow vampire, Shamus Sev (I'm trying to figure out the meaning of the exclamation point. O.o) mango, frizzy, Cardinal, devi  
  
Review again please :) 


	4. Fly through oblivion with you,

Title: Le Miserable  
  
Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of a disclaimer. Isn't mine :) The song is Safe Place by Staind  
  
warnings: male x male  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
And then I find you here  
  
Through your eyes  
  
Everything's clear  
  
And I'm home  
  
Inside your arms,  
  
But I'm alone for now.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"In case you have forgotten, nephew-" the tall, brunette woman spat the name contempously, "You are seen as an unfit parent and I am that brat's closest of kin so I have part-custody of her." Bellatrix leered at Draco who was internally trembling with rage but keeping his external appearance of indifference erected around his emotions. Her azure gaze landed on Severus, seeing him for the first time since her entrance into the Headmaster's domain. "Severus, how wonderful to see you looking so well."  
  
Severus had never cared for Bella, she was as sly and manipulative as the late Lucius Malfoy but Lucius had only changed into the bastard he had loathed after siding with Voldemort. He wasn't surprised that there was the flame of lust dancing in the lapis depths. Bella had desired him during their school days; for his power and intelligence. He scorned her leaving Lestrange to deal with Bella. Apparently the fervent want hadn't disappeared. Bella was a beautiful woman, Severus had to give her credit there but he only felt hate towards her. Especially now with the way she was regarding Draco and Aglaia. "And you," he kept the thick loathing in his words.  
  
Bella grinned, not letting it get to her. "Aglaia, it is time for you to come home. Your cousins are anxious to see you." She held her hand out for the small girl to take. Aglaia glanced back at her father questioningly and only at his curt nod and calming smile did she take Bella's hand.  
  
"I want her back tomorrow," Draco gritted through clenched teeth, so desperately wanting to grab his wand and hex the pretentious bitch to oblivion. His entire life was commited to keeping his daughter happy and honoring the memory of her father.  
  
"You'll have her back by the weekend as our agreement says. Severus, I do hope to see you again." Bella cast him seductive look and left the room with a slam of the door. Severus was tempted. He hadn't had any sexual encounters for several years and he was lonely. Severus cringed. Pleasure wasn't enough to make him go near Bellatrix.  
  
He turned towards Draco. "What did she mean that you're seen as an unfit parent?"  
  
"Severus, you know as well as I do that homosexuality isn't accepted as it used to be since Voldemort's defeat and the muggle world started integrating itself in our society." Draco sighed, sinking onto one of the chaise lounges. "The alliance between the Ministry and the governments of the muggle world are starting to twine together. Our people are living among muggles and they bring back the muggle's bigoted views of life back here. It was two years after Voldemort's demise that Bella came with four wizards from the newly sanctioned Department of Muggle-Wizard Relations. They felt that Aglaia was being raised in a home that wasn't fitting and that she needed the guidance of a woman. Bella's the closet relative alive and so, Bella keeps her when she wants."  
  
"That's a load of shite." Severus snorted. "Muggles and their narrow minded views."  
  
Draco wrapped the quilted afghan around his narrow shoulders, voice soft, "They think that they're the ones in the right. Wizards have lived the same way as our ancestors for thousands of years and yet we're still prejudiced against by those intolerant. They can't use magic so they fear us. They hate what they can't understand and they don't understand us so they persecute us. Just because we're beginning to make allies with some muggles, it's going to take years for them to fully accept us. What then? The way that muggles are treating the land, the animals, their own people, the world itself...they'll have destroyed Earth in a matter of centuries. If not from depleting the environment from it's natural resources, destroying the ozone layer, or developing weapons of mass destruction that any insane psychopath can get their hands on.... There isn't going to be a world left. All the magic in the world can't reverse the damage that has been done."  
  
Severus's lips parted in surprise at Draco's words. He fully appreciated that Draco was Lucius's son because this talk was the same passionate speech that Lucius had used on him decades before when they were still innocent children playing the game of life. "Then what you mean is that Voldemort was in the right for what he was questing to do? That it would be better if he had killed every muggle?"  
  
"They breed hate and fear just like Voldemort and eventually, the muggles and Voldemort would have had to duel and I'm not sure who exactly the victor would have been." Draco looked up at Severus leaning against a table. "Are we any different then the muggles? If our views can so quickly be changed because we want acceptance from those who don't deserve it, aren't we just as hypocritical and bigoted as them?"  
  
"You know my feelings on what you're asking." Severus disliked muggles and would rather burn at the stake then peacefully get along with the self- righteous idiots. "This discussion is over. I have some errands to run but we will talk later."  
  
"Yes Severus." Draco smiled, curling up to a more comfortable position as his lids shuddered close and he began to surrender himself to Morpheus. Severus waved his wand, diminishing the light so Draco would get some well- needed sleep. It was high time he ventured into the forest and collected the Valerian he would need for Lethargus Reseco. He hoped that he might see Harry...  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Harry sat in a meditative position underneath Kogane's limbs as the needles brushed against him appreciatively and the breeze from Kogane's actions soothed him. A question came to him as the noon light tried to make its way through the canopy of Kogane's branches. "Kogane, you told me that Severus was not to be feared. Why did you say that?"  
  
Kogane chuckled, something Harry took offensively as he was suddenly enveloped in a rush of needles, twigs, and cones. *Severus used to come here when he was but a wee lad. This was his sanctuary as a child and then as he became older and dealt with the pressing situations of society, it was his only escape.* Harry rested his head against the thick trunk, folding his hands in his lap and humming contently as one of the limbs brushed against his cheek. *Much as you are now, little one.*  
  
"I dont have a choice Kogane. They all hate me."  
  
*I do not believe that, little one. I felt Severus's emotions that night and he most definitely does not hate you. Ah, here he comes now.* Harry lept to his feet, shaking himself much like a canine to rid himself of the debris. He helplessly glanced around. There wasn't a place to hid and he knew for a fact that Kogane wouldn't aid him. *Calm yourself. He does not want to hurt you.*  
  
"How very reassuring," Harry responded dryly, rolling his eyes. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited for the man that had consumed the last six years. He went to pull the cowl over his head to hide his face and the scars but one of Kogane's limbs innocently got tangled in his cloak and ripped it from his body. He growled at Kogane. "I know some very good fire spells." Harry huffed, attempting to disentagle his cloak from the branch when suddenly Kogane lifted the branch from Harry's reach. By then, it was too late.  
  
"Harry," the euphonious tones had Harry's entrails knotting and his body quivering with arousal. Those dark eyes on him were unsettling. Severus couldn't move. He was rooted to that spot. His heart skipped several beats, he didn't blink and his breathing became shallow. This wasn't right. Severus was shocked at how infinitely beautiful Harry was. The dark hair was touseled and seemed to reflect jade when the sun crowned his head. The emerald eyes were devoid of emotion but...there was a tiny sparkle that hadn't been there the night of their run-in. The full lips were moist from Harry's tongue dewing them every few seconds and Severus couldn't stop the perverted images that came to mind. His eyes dwelled on the scar on his cheek.  
  
"Disgusting, isn't it?" Harry asked, reflexively bringing his hand up to touch the scar.  
  
"No...it's sad." Harry raised a brow at Severus. This was the first time someone had said it was sad. Severus stepped forward, getting closer to Harry. "It's sad because for six years you've let those scars rule your life instead of ignorning them and moving on."  
  
"How dare you!" Harry hissed, arousal completely forgotten as he became angry. "It's not my fault! You all hate me. You all blame me for everything that has happened! You all blame me for Voldemort." The rage deserted him. "I used to believe it but now, I just dont give a damn. You're wasting my time Severus, if you're only here to badger me into some sort of argument." He didn't want to see Severus leave but he wasn't going to let Severus make him hate himself more then he already did.  
  
"I apologize. No one hates you, Harry. Not the people that matter."  
  
"Oh really?" Harry laughed hollowly. "And Ron has been avoiding me and telling Hermione that she shouldn't go near me for some other reason? You dont know what it's like Severus. I've had to watch my friends grow up without being near them, to see their children laughing and playing but not being able to join them."  
  
That confirmed all of Severus's inquiries regarding a love life. Harry hadn't been with anyone since his exilement. "Do you know what I heard today? That you ran away from Hog's Head and wouldn't even talk to Justin, Dean or Seamus. They said that they wanted to help you. They haven't forgotten you."  
  
"What? I don't believe you."  
  
"Then don't but I'm not lieing. They miss you Harry." Severus didn't add, 'I miss you.' He sighed. "Just come back to Hogwart's."  
  
"No. I dont belong there. Too many memories. How can I return when the people I love are no longer there? Sirius, Remus, Albus, Minerva, Hermione, Ron... I can't deal with it. I dont have the strength any more to face the crowds of accusing faces and the whispers...."  
  
"Is there no convincing you?"  
  
"I'm sorry but my life is only for myself now. I'm not going to hurt anyone else." Harry gasped when Severus's hand descended upon his shoulder. Oh Merlin, it felt so good to be touched. He had to get away or Severus would see the proof of his longing.  
  
"Stop hurting yourself." Severus's other hand caressed the criss-crossed scar. "It has been six years, Harry. Six long years. It's time that you lived among your peers again." Harry found himself closing his eyes and leaning into the hand that so gently touched him. "Will you come with me?"  
  
"No." Harry withdrew from the touch. "I...I should go. It was nice seeing you. Goodbye," Just as he started to take off towards the Shrieking Shack, Severus desperately grabbed him and pressed him against his chest. "Severus?"  
  
"Please come with me Harry." Severus's hands, on their own accord and with direction from the brain that ruled most men's thinking process, cupped Harry's firm buttocks. He suppressed the groan that threatened to escape at the contact of their bodies and how much he wanted to be inside of Harry. "What can I do to make you come with me?"  
  
"Just keep holding me like this," Harry whispered, not caring if the entire world heard him say that. All he could feel was the warmth coming from Severus's body. "Severus, why are you here? Why are you trying so hard to get me to come back with you?"  
  
"Because," Severus placed a soft kiss to Harry's temple, "I've been just as lonely as you. Because you deserve to be happy."  
  
Harry smiled sadly, pulling away from Severus. "Not everyone can be happy. Severus...you've changed. You're actually touching me without yelling at me first and telling me that I have to do my best if I'm ever going to defeat Voldemort." He wouldn't cry. Not in front of Severus. "Why the change of heart?"  
  
"Does that matter?"  
  
"I guess not." Harry sighed. "Is this an elaborate scheme to get me to return? This......this what you're doing."  
  
"You always so mistrusting?"  
  
"I haven't had much of a choice." Harry glanced at the position of the sun, deciding what time it was. "Don't you have classes this afternoon?"  
  
"I doubt they will say anything if I'm late."  
  
Harry nodded. "You should go. I will be here tonight if you want to...to pursue whatever this is that we're doing."  
  
"I'll be here. Goodbye, Harry." Severus leant his head towards Harry's, pressing his lips to Harry's in a chaste kiss that had them both wanting more but neither wanted to hasten the beautiful beginnings of what could become a relationship. Severus knew it would take more then word and kisses to convince Harry that he wasn't alone and that he truly cared for Harry.  
  
Harry watched at Severus disappeared from sight. Kogane dropped the cloak on Harry's head. *Did I not tell you?*  
  
"So you did," Harry grinned, "So you did."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Fast? Yes, most definitely but...it'll take a while for Harry to actually return to Hogwart's.  
  
Thanks for reviewing. :) Review again.  
  
THanks to: pixyfairy120, corgi1 (....I went too fast. lol) selua, A typical Snarry fan (the title of chapter three means: time flies and we fly with it) Immortal Memories, slytherinsela, Cardinal, Xenocide 


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